What am I doing?

I entered 2019 with my head in a toilet, classily vomming up the night's pad thai and £5 bottle of Pinot. I know what you're thinking, wow cool story didn't realised I clicked on the blog of a 15 year old girl boasting about drinking for the first time. And that would be . However, in spite of feeling in touch with Mazza 2k15, the reality is I feel like my 2k19 couldn't have got off to a better start. Not only had I provided my mates with precious memories (you're welcome), I had also, literally, left any crap from the year before behind me. 

I think that for everyone 2018 was just one of those years. Not only did the world go to shit (terrorism, Trump, Brexit etc.). I feel like for many of us the answer to, "how was your year?" was, “oh yeh good… well not good… but um not bad... but you know still thriving haha" *jumps off a cliff for saying thriving unironically*. AKA, we both know it was a bit sh*t but I'm not feeling like having a therapy session in the middle of christmas dinner Aunt Susan.

What I'm trying to say is that 2018's combination of personal cr*p and worldwide tragedies has left me feeling pretty pointless. There's so much going on, so many people needing to be helped and so many experiences waiting to be had outside my own bubble, shouldn't I be doing more? More to help others, more to impact the community around me but also, on a selfish level, more interesting things with my day-to-day life. Ultimately, the way to solve such a coffee-induced meltdown is to realise there's no way a broke, 19-year old student from Kent can fix the world's problems. Such thoughts do nothing but damage an already (if we're being totally honest) fragile mental health and sadly it's time we acknowledge many of us need to start from helping ourselves and those around us before we can work on the wider world. 

Therefore, I have decided one way to channel such meltdowns might be to rant it out this blog. So all 0 of you reading this get ready for mad banter from Mazza as I attempt to continue the bang this year began with.