Self-care or self-destruction?

As an expert in perfect mental health and how to deal with any unwanted feelings, I thought I would discuss some “self-care” techniques. 

I feel like “self-care” has become such a buzzword. And don’t get me wrong I love a late night face mask and chocolate bar, but equally I’ve began to realise something I may class as “self-care” is actually self-destructive. Case in point: staying in bed and sleeping all day. My mind says “Um yeh I’m tired this is fab”, but in reality I’m now behind on lectures, so will have to stress work to catch up at a later date and have now ruined my chances of getting a good sleep in the evening, thus adding to a crappy sleep cycle and overall exhaustion *and breathe*. I find myself excusing self-destructive behaviours as preventative self-care, however in the end, if we’re being honest, such actions induce a worse long-term state. 

An original coffee and plant shot, because I’m a professional.

Something I’ve learnt in the past couple of months (I swear I thought of this myself and didn’t have to go to countless therapy sessions), is that the best form of self-care is sitting with uncomfortable feelings to allow ourselves to tolerate more of them in the future. Therefore, it will be harder to reach that point of needing to stop everything and sleep all day or shove ten cookies down in a minute. This idea is often seen as a self-harm coping mechanism, when in actuality everyone could be better with tolerating distress or recognising when we need to be kinder to ourselves. Being kind to our selves before we are in a bad way helps prevent the need for massive breakdowns in the future, like a form of mood regulation. Ultimately, this mindfulness of listening to our feelings, as to when we need to help ourselves rather than keep pushing it, takes practice. I still haven’t got there, but even thinking about this idea of a window of tolerance has been helpful. (For a better explanation of this feel free to visit http://www.crowe-associates.co.uk/psychotherapy/window-of-tolerance/)

Anywaaayyyy, what I’m trying to say from this serious ramble is, any form of self-care is fab as long as it is truly self care. Any technique can easily become self-destructive in the long term.

Nonetheless in my search for how to make myself feel more up on those down days I have tried a load of techniques and these are my opinions of them:

1.Exercise- firstly I think I would be an actual hundredaire (which is a lot actually) if I got a pound for every time someone has told me going for a run will improve my mood, and whilst I appreciate this may work for many I still want to punch you in the face. Honestly that could be a whole other blog post so I will try and suppress my emerging rant. Firstly, when I’m not feeling tip- top I would rather shit in my hands and clap than get up and exercise. And whilst in the past  I’ve got in a routine of jogging, cycling etc. once or twice a week, it hasn’t improved my mood. To be honest I was only able to do it because my mood had been improved, it is an effect not a cause for all you sciencey beans. Also I feel like I’m the only person who doesn’t get this famous “rush of endorphins” having done exercise. I'm in awe, and do accept, that for many this is an amazing solution. But for me, after every run I’ve been on I get angry at how out of breath I am, how much everything  aches and how I could only run for 15minutes, and for some reason no matter how much better I get I can’t break through to this amazing feeling. Now if this works for you that is blo*dy amazing but at the moment exercise fills me with dread. 2/10- helps physical health. Makes me angry, sweaty and tired plus I end up spending money on nice leggings I’ll undoubtedly wear once after I give up straight away.

Me and a running injury, its dangerous guys stay woke.

2.Walking. Yes I have separated this from exercise as I think walking doesn’t have to be a strenuous, focused thing. Most of us walk everyday. Not to be an old granny but a good walk often clears my head and gives me that bit of fresh air you can often miss as well as more energy than I started with. You can literally do a 10 minute walk and feel like you've had a good break from whatever you're doing, without the added embarrassment of being unfit in public. 8/10- technically good for your physical health, but not as strenuous or embarrassing as exercise, free, however does still involve leaving the house so a bit of effort.

3.Colouring. Um no description needed 10/10 you cannot shame me for being a child as colouring books are now aimed at adults. I don't have to leave my bed nor be a professional artist but finished pages still make me question whether I am the new Picasso. 

4.Henna. This is mighty nichė however for £2 or something ridiculous you can get a couple of tubes of henna from amazon and these provide hours of swirly fun. Henna is basically a dye paste that when left on for a period of time stains the skin for up to a couple of weeks, hence the popularised "henna tattoo". Traditionally, Meditteranean cultures and religions like Islam, draw henna patterns (mehndi) on women's hands as part of celebrations like weddings or birthdays. However, the art is now more popularised. For some stunning examples see https://www.instagram.com/awesomemehandi/?hl=en. I have found attempting to do henna on myself is strangely calming, a similar sensation to piping icing from a cake, however if done well the outcome is lovely. Please bear in mind I fully appreciate the origins of the art and am in no way meaning to appropriate the culture. Nonehtless it's also fun to do designs of tattoos you like as, if like me, you cannot commit to anything permanent, you get to see how it might look. 7/10 (not a ten as can get messy and takes practice and when done wrong you are stuck with a sh*t swirl for a couple of day.)

A more successful attempt with henna

5.Baths. 10/10 for hygiene and relaxation, especially with added candles to bath bombs however 0/10 for water saving

6.Face masks and chill. 6/10, do feel like a mini spa at home however point deducted for expense and irritation (for people like me with sensitive skin).

7.Meditation. 7/10, makes me sleepy but sometimes I can't do it because I'm too lazy to concentrate- only done it a handful of times using Headspace, however when it works it is nice.

8. Spending time with people you love. Seriously though, force yourself to do this especially when feeling cr*p, you love them for a reason and it's often nice to spend time with someone other than your own thoughts. 10/10

9. LISTENING TO WHAT YOUR BODY AND MIND NEEDS 10/10. sorry just had to reiterate. 

Cheesy end note: Good luck in whatever self-improvement, care blah blah blah aims you have this year, remember to be kind to yourself!